Ah, health anxiety. It can lie dormant for so long and then BAM, it returns 10 times stronger than before.
Health anxiety is a strange thing. You can be fine for so long then it rears it’s ugly head trying to convince you that every single ache, pain, twinge or feeling is a sign of something seriously wrong.
A headache is a brain aneurism, a rash on my leg is a sign of cancer and any kind of pain in my chest is a heart attack. There’s no black and white, it just is that.
I’m fully aware that this is ridiculous. In fact the chest pain is trapped air and related to my hiatus hernia, the rash on my leg is a heat rash and the headache is because I’m tired and not drank enough water. But my brain can’t help but plant seeds of doubt and water it with examples of when I was right about my health.
Health anxiety is often treated as a joke, but it’s not
It’s a running joke that I always think there’s something wrong with me. What can I say, I’m a classic worrier. A hypochondriac. Just pull yourself together Katie, there’s nothing wrong.
It’s like telling someone with depression to cheer up. Telling someone with a broken leg that they can walk fine. You get the idea.
It’s relentless. You find yourself checking in with how you’re physically feeling all the time. The slightest change sends a wave of dread and panic which you can’t turn off.
Getting check ups at the doctor brings slight comfort, only for the cycle to begin again. Sometimes instantly, because the doctors can be wrong, and sometimes a day or two later.
Health anxiety being treated as a joke plays into the narrative that mental health isn’t taken seriously enough. Because everything someone is feeling and experiencing is valid.
Telling someone it’s all in their head doesn’t help. 9 times out of 10, the person knows it’s all in their head. But they need help with their head and their mental health to find coping strategies.
It can be common for people experiencing health anxiety to have other mental health conditions too including depression, general anxiety and/or PTSD. And a lot of people living with long term chronic illnesses experience medical trauma and/or PTSD from their conditions. I know I have and it’s not fun and fuels my anxiety at times.
Look, I’m happy to joke about the fact that I always think there’s something wrong with me. I mean, I have incurable chronic illnesses so there is. But sometimes, you can’t joke about it.
Sometimes it’s so all consuming that it’s not funny. It can be hard to turn off that voice in your head telling you minute by minute that how you’re feeling is wrong. That you shouldn’t have a pain there.
When hypochondria rears it’s ugly head
I spent a year thinking I was having a heart attack everyday. When I was 15/16 my health anxiety, and general anxiety, was at it’s worst. Maybe it was the GCSE exams which triggered it. Who knows.
I remember being terrified. I didn’t know what was happening. But every day I’d have a pain in my chest or arm. My arms and hands would tingle in fear. Once I even had to run out of assembly because I was about to pass out in fear.
There was a lot of times during that period of my life where I either did pass out, or thought I was about to. Wether that was a sign of something, or just fear, I’ll never know. But I had a constant battle in my head of being worried about every sensation in my body.
I started being scared to go out anywhere. I didn’t like being in crowded spaces. I’d happily stay home and watch telly all day. TV is my safety blanket. A place I can escape and not think.
Then I started having gut problems. And there was blood in my poo. Yeah, actual real life symptoms of a serious health condition. But I was too scared to tell anyone. And when I did, the doctors didn’t take it seriously for 6 months. The I eventually got a doctor who would listen, I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel Disease.
It felt like a real aha moment but also triggered my health anxiety even more. Because I was right. So my fears were completely rational (reader, they were not rational at all)
So you can see how easy it is to get into that negative cycle when it’s been proved to you before.
I’m nearly 10 years away from those first instances of bad health anxiety. And it’s under control a lot better. But it hasn’t just disappeared.
It rears its ugly head and the cycle starts again.
How I manage my health anxiety
They say the best way to manage health anxiety is CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Having had CBT a few years ago, I can say it helped me.
But it’s not a quick fix. It takes work and I still use a lot of those techniques I learnt now. The ABCD method is something which helps a lot but it doesn’t switch off the voice in my head.
I was once offered anxiety medication to help. However one massive part of my health anxiety is taking medication and the side effects. I was to anxious to take the anxiety medication which has a dark irony to it.
I feel like medication specific anxiety is a whole other conversation we could have!
Positive affirmations are another thing I’ve been using. I know you’re probably rolling your eyes at this but positive affirmations can be really powerful.
If you’re telling yourself you’re ill, you start to feel ill. So, if you start telling yourself you’re healthy, they you can start to feel healthier and better.
A key thing to stress is that if you feel your health anxiety is controlling you, go and seek professional advice. Talk to your doctor, try and get referred to CBT and find coping mechanisms to help.
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