Flare-ups are when you’re chronic illness symptoms get worse; usually out of the blue. Depending on your condition, it can present in different ways. But usually, pain and fatigue are involved alongside various other things.
Flare-ups can last for days, weeks and months and come in varying degrees of pain. They can look different each time, or the same, and most importantly, you rarely see them coming.
A lot of the time, if I am struggling in a flare and someone asks how I’m doing the usual reply is along the lines of: “oh yeah, I’m currently in a flare up” or “I’m having a flare up but it’s fine” kinda thing. I shrug it off and hope that people get what I mean.
So here are a few things I wish people knew when I said I had a flare-up. Maybe you’ll resonate with these – let me know in the comments below!
5 things you need to understand about flare-ups
1. I can have done everything ‘right’ and still have a flare-up
This is massive. Flare-ups are the main element of having a chronic illness. Sometimes things are worse than others. I can have eaten all the right things, done all the right exercises, rested the perfect amount of time and it will still happen.
Yes, I can do things to help reduce the likelihood, and trust me I do, but it will still happen. Learning to accept that myself has been hard so I know how difficult it is to wrap your head around, but there is no cure.
2. I’m in a lot of pain, but I’m also very good at hiding pain
Flare-ups usually consist of some type of pain. Be that joints, chest, stomach, ovaries, headaches, muscle pain or wherever your disease/condition attacks.
But when you spend a lot of time dealing with pain, you can also be very good at hiding that you’re in pain. You might see me going on my walks, smiling in a picture or living life ‘normally’ but behind that is the everyday pain I deal with.
But I try and stay positive which is why, even during flare-ups, I try and push myself a little bit by doing my daily walks. I try and keep some element of normality whilst I rest and figure out my next move.
I often complain about my pain to my parents (almost daily – sorry mum and dad!) but that’s about it. And it’s not some stoic thing or that I feel like I can’t confide in you. It’s mainly because you’d get bored very quickly by the amount I go on about it and it doesn’t really help me.
So whilst I might not look like I’m in pain, I probably am.
3. No, I don’t know how long it’s going to last
This is a tough one. Trying to explain that you don’t know when you’ll be back to your version of normal. I’ve had flare-ups last days, weeks and months.
Learning to take things one day at a time and not put pressure on myself is probably the biggest life lesson I’ve had. And something I work on most days, especially when I’m in a flare-up, is to remember that.
4. I know how to help myself and where to go for help
The phrase have you tried [insert food/supplement/vitamin here]… haunts me. I know that it’s usually coming from a good place but it irks me so much.
The likelihood is that I’ve researched a lot on what foods are anti-inflammatory, low fibre, good for your gut etc and I have tried them. Some work better than others but I know what works for me. I’ve taken advice from my doctors and other people who live with the same condition. Knowing what your aunts-cousins-partners-friends-brother cured themselves with isn’t what I need to hear.
I feel bad sometimes for deadpanning people when they say things like this, and do often hold my tongue. Mainly because I know it comes from a place of wanting to help and often you don’t know what else to say.
5. Thank you for the well wishes but I’m not going to get better soon
The phrase get well soon when you know your chronic illness isn’t going to go away is a bit redundant. And during a bad flare-up bothers me. Today, when I’m having a good day, not so much because I do get it.
You don’t want your friend or loved one to be in pain. You do want them to get better. Again, it comes from a good place. And often, when it’s said to me, I don’t know what better actually means. I forget what my normal looks like and the idea of better seems far away.
It’s important to note that flare-ups are different to each individual person. How they cope and manage is personal to them and it’s sometimes a hard thing to explain. The best thing is to just be there, see if they need help with anything and don’t take it personally if they choose to do things their way.
Spoonies, what is one thing you wish people knew/understood about flare-ups?
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