Crying is often perceived as a sign of weakness when it is in fact the exact opposite. By allowing yourself to cry, you are admitting to yourself that yes, I am feeling something and that's okay which is a hell of a lot healthier than bottling it all up and pretending that everything's fine. At the end of the day, you'll probably end up a lot more miserable if you don't allow yourself to feel something and it could actually make you really ill!
I've decided to write about this because last night I had 'a wobble'. I got really down and tried not to let it show to anyone which resulted in me just snapping at my mum and dad until I started crying. After having said wobble and opening up and talking a bit about why I was feeling down I actually started to feel a bit better.
Crying is the first step to realising your feelings which, in turn, allows you to start processing your feelings and understanding why you feel a certain way and then you can start to make positive changes so you don't feel quite as crap.
My wobble started because I'd been on my university's website to see what the dates would be for sitting my exams in the summer (I got 'exceptional circumstances' as I'm not well enough to sit my exams next week!) and I got really down over the fact that they would be between the 10th-27th August. In my mind I started to think that not only would I not be able to do as much over the summer because I'm recovering from surgery, I'm also going to have to be revising when all my friends are off enjoying their summers. I then started questioning whether I even want to go back to uni at all because, at the moment, I'm struggling to see how I'll ever feel 'normal' again and be able to function without help from my mum and dad. My mum kind of put it into perspective for me though; I was doing really well at uni before I went into hospital and was getting firsts on my coursework...do I really want to throw that away? Because my only options are sit the exams in the summer, drop out or re-sit the year which is pretty pointless when I've already done a lot of hard work! Plus, that would cost more money and I'd have an extra year. Also, I'm obviously not going to feel 'normal' yet. My body has had quite the trauma as well as being pumped with drugs which have various side effects (steroids, I'm looking at you!) and it's going to take a while for everything to settle down. It's going to take a while to get used to doing things differently with the bag, but it doesn't mean that it's never going to feel normal. I've just got to be patient...which can be frustrating!
The moral of this post is that it's good to cry. If you're feeling overwhelmed, have a good cry and, more importantly, talk to someone! Be it a parent, friend, loved one or professional. It's okay to ask for help too. I went to the doctors on Monday and I've been referred to counselling to help me process everything which has happened.
Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness; it's actually probably one of the strongest things you can do. It takes a lot of guts (even for those of us without them!) to admit that somethings wrong and tell someone and take positive action to change things. That is the sign of a strong person and I urge anyone who is feeling down in any way to reach out for help because you will feel better in the long run!